To dance with my father again
by Datenshi666
Summary: Xanxus realizes what the ninth means to him when it's too late. Character death, depression, and more depression. You are warned.


**To dance with my father again.**

_Xanxus and the ninth._

_Just a quick warning.  
It won't have anything to do with Yaoi.  
But it will be very touchy, especially since the song itself is so sad already.  
I pretty much cried while writing it, but I just wanted to.  
If you are sensitive to these subjects, don't read it._

_Or else you'll be crying the whole time, like I did when I was writing it.  
I made a space where I couldn't continue to write because of how hard I had to cry.  
_

_Go count XD._

_The message of this story is, cherish your family, your mother, your father, your sister or brother, even though they annoy you sometimes.  
Because you never know what tomorrow brings._

_XX- Koneko-Xanxus_

**Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence  
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then  
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep  
Then up the stairs he would carry me  
And I knew for sure I was loved**

Xanxus sat in his office, his hair covering his eyes partly as he read through ninth's dairy.  
It had been eighteen years since the cradle affair, yet it felt like time had never passed.  
Tears dropped onto the pages as he read it, hands trembling.  
It was from when he turned nine..._  
Today, I didn't have much time to be with Xanxus, again.  
He seems really upset about it, and I fully understand that.  
Frederico taught him how to ride a bike, though I should've been the one who taught him.  
But, duty called, another important meeting with the Bovino famiglia.  
It wasn't really the meeting that bothered me, but it was Xanxus that made it ache so much.  
His face was covered in tears as I told him I would've gone today.  
Those eyes, so sad, it ripped my heart apart to see the boy like that.  
I wish, I really wish, I needn't to attend these meetings, so I could be with my little boy, like I've been with my other three sons._

Xanxus gritted his teeth, as he tried to stop himself from crying.  
Papa had betrayed him, had lied to him all those years, ignored him.  
Christmas, new years, his birthdays, his first schooldays, girlfriends.  
He dried his face, but it really didn't matter, he already continued sobbing.  
And for what reason?  
For papa, who had lied to him all those years?  
But papa did love him so much, and if papa was there, papa would give him the world.

**If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never, ever end  
How I'd love, love, love  
To dance with my father again**

He remembered how he used to dance with the ninth when he was sad as a child.  
A chuckle erupted from his throat, but it was choked down with tears.  
Xanxus threw everything from his desk, except the dairy.  
He continued to read, face pensive.

_Xanxus turned fourteen recently and he had a few problems with someone he liked a lot.  
If I could, I would let that person love him as well, just to see that smile on his face again.  
Other's might have their opinions about him, find him rude, and find him unattractive.  
But to me, he is the most beautiful child I have ever seen in my life.  
If only god could forgive me, that I can't give him that one thing, he wants the most._

A fist slammed on the table howling into the night.  
His head hurt, and his eyes burned from crying.  
He didn't go to the ninth's bed when he was nearing his end.  
He could face the old man back then.  
The hatred, the pain, the guilt.

Behind him, he heard a gunshot, and a few yells.  
Pink smoke surrounded him.  
Suddenly, he was in a white corridor, it was night.  
Tears were still streaming down his face.  
He knew where he was, he was at home, ten years ago.

He ran, and ran, making his way to the ninth study.  
Not caring he changed back to the younger him completely, he ran into the room.  
Timoteo sat behind his desk, smiling lightly when he entered his room.  
"To what do I owe this pleasure, Xanxus?" He said friendly.  
A smile spread on Xanxus' wet face.  
A minute passed.

He always said that when he entered, tantrum or not.  
"I was expecting you, to be honest". He said, and smiled.  
"I guess my hyper-intuition perhaps". He chuckled.  
Xanxus made his way to the man, but stopped in front of him.  
Something just stopped him, but he couldn't explain what.  
The ninth smiled, as Xanxus fell onto his knees in front of him.  
Two minutes passed  
Tears erupting from his eyes once more.  
"Please…Please..." Was all he could say?  
"I forgive you, Xanxus. For everything you've done.  
And please, please remember when you are angry with me again". Timoteo said, cupping the boy's cheek.  
"That I love you no matter what happens, even if you aren't my own son". Timoteo said.  
Three minutes passed.

Xanxus laid his face on Timoteo's lap, crying loudly, not caring if anyone could see or hear him.  
He would be back in the future soon anyway.

He felt how the ninth softly patted his head, stroking the remaining bangs of hair out of his face.

"I love you too…Papa" Xanxus managed to say, and tried to get up.  
Timoteo helped him, and held the shivering boy tightly in his embrace.

Four minutes had passed.

Softly rocking his boy, as he was sobbing into his shoulder like he did when he fell, and hurt himself as a child.  
He kissed his cheeks, his forehead, and his head.  
But nothing calmed the boy, whom had the knowledge, this would probably be the last time, he would see his father.

Timoteo softly sang to his boy, for the remaining time he was there.  
Xanxus kept sobbing, holding the man tightly, hoping it would never end.  
But unfortunately, time ran out.  
Right before he teleported back, the ninth pressed something into his hand, and planted a kiss on the boy's lips, and said: "I will always be with you, son".

Xanxus sat behind his desk again, quiet.  
He looked at his hand, where the necklace his father wore everyday was laying in.  
Smiling slightly, he looked at it; it had the form of an angle, holding a demon.  
On the demon, a word was engraved.  
_Perdono._

Looking out of the window, into the sky, he smiled.  
"I love you, father".

**Please review, I slaughtered a lot of tissues for it, and scolded myself for it XD.**

**(I'm trying to bring a happy mood back, but I guess I failed.)**


End file.
